so back to fitwit today. #nervous. my tonsils felt like they exploded yesterday but they seem a little calmer and less swollen today.
trying hard to not think about something in particular is like ironic futility or something.
got my paycheck yesterday. unless i miscalculated, i think they paid me for an extra day. i'm debating saying something. sometimes i calculate what i think my paychecks are supposed to be beforehand. sometimes i don't. the times i don't are when i know i've worked enough hours to maintain my budget. the times i do calculate it are when i know things are gonna be tight. so i could have been getting shorted or padded all those times i never calculated what my paycheck should be...
so i'm debating feigned ignorant bliss versus proactive honesty...i'm gonna wait til the check clears though cuz my rent is due. not really trying to get over, i just would prefer to have my next check come up short than for them to cancel this check and reissue.
according to 'the bell curve', i have a "superior" iq. but since im black and iq tests are racist im just gonna say im a western-world genius because my iq is higher than 91% of the population.
i took an iq test in 4th grade to test into gifted ed (TAG as it was in southfield), but based on the iq test i just looked at online, i completely concur that iq tests are racist, because they are so based on the complete instillation of a western education. it doesn't make you "intelligent" because you can calculate the number of vowels in a sentence or possible number of triangles in adjacent congruent hexagons...
because english and geometry are valid ways of interpreting the world...but there are other ways. (btw TED.com is fucking awesome)
anyway my apartment management is PISSING ME OFF MAJORLY. i can't believe it's only (not even) 11am. i have been up since like 7. and ididn't have to work today.
- yea
-
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif)
a_f_r_i_k_a_n_a- February 2nd, 10:56
- i feel very shaken
-
- a_f_r_i_k_a_n_a
- January 27th, 21:15
so my apartment caught on fire today, a grease fire. the whole thing was weird. but basically the grease was taking a really long time to heat up so i started doing other things to fill the time. then out of the corner of my eyes i saw orange flashes against my cream walls and thought "i know that's not a fire" it was. it was really big. at first i was like really calm. when i realized i had no baking powder to throw on it, i tried to turn the fire off, but the flames were too big so i figured i didn't wanna risk that type of damage to my arm. i realized i was gonna have to call the fire department. i wish i had remebered there was a fire extinguisher right outside of my door, but i didn't. i grabbed my laptop because that's what i use to do my work & i knew i water damage would be an issue so i couldn't afford to miss any days of work or pay for a new laptop. i wasn't fully dressed so i ran back into my room to throw on some clothes. all my shoes were in the closet in the front.
the 911 operator was telling me i needed to run past the fire and out of my apartment. i kept telling her "i can't." she was like "ma'am, you HAVE to run out of your apartment". i was like "i can't"...i was ready to climb down my balcony, because breaking bones in my body seemed a LOT less scary than running through flames. like i have never seen a fire like that that close up. even when i have been at bonfires, it's different, because the flames are not like that...finally the sprinklers kicked in which initially of course made the flames shoot up even higher because water & grease don't mix...for some reason i just watched it because i wanted to make sure it went out before i left my apartment. it was probably out in less than 45 seconds. but those tiny sprinklers pour out GALLONS of water very rapidly. i got soaked. i stood outside of my apartment shivering and soaking wet, with no socks on. at some point the water in my apartment was like 3 feet high. the fire alarms were going off all over the building. people evacuated their apartments. they asked if i was ok. the fire department came. they checked out the damage, turned the power and water off.
the building managers came. no sympathy from them, they just were assessing damage and telling me to contact my renter's insurance.
then me & the maintenance man moved all the furniture that fit outside on my patio, and moved the rest into the 1 dry corner...that, & packing up all the wet clothes i had took hours.
the company that vacuums up the water came, and then they cut up the carpet. i was told i had to leave, and that they would try to get my unit fixed as soon as possible.
the fire damage could be a lot worse. the stove seems still functional. my microwave is completely melted. the cabinet above it is charred, and the ceiling is too. the refrigerator is burnt on the side. but i think that's it. i think they came quick enough to avoid very much water damage aside from my shoes.
the unit beneath me got completely soaked, too. i feel bad. i was thinking of slipping a note under the door of apology. but i dunno...
i feel really dumb. i feel super grateful that i'm alive, that i'm healthy, that i have a job, that i wasn't hurt, that my apartment is getting fixed, that i am able to spend the night at chrisy's & that willie was willing to put me up, that i don't have that much property damage...
but i also feel really emotional...i'm not exactly sure what emotion but i just feel like crying...like i dunno...i feel like i want comfort but there is no one to offer me any?
i dunno, i keep crying off and on, but it's not like i'm really sad. like i'm totally glad i'm ok. like truly grateful. thank god i live in a place with automatic sprinklers cuz if not...this story would have ended VERY differently. i might not have been around to tell it. i mean that. i really am grateful. i'm not just saying that. but i dunno i just keep crying. i feel overwhelmed. i have all these clothes to wash before they get moldy. i dunno how im gonna replace my shoes. i have a quiz to study for tomorrow. i dunno when i'll be able to go back to my apartment. i feel like this really deep thing just happened to me and there's no one around me to care.
- crazy
-
- a_f_r_i_k_a_n_a
- January 13th, 23:47
so there are certain individuals i know...and of course i'm well-versed in their awesomeness...but every now and then i forget and am reminded...and then i'm like...wow... this person is soooooo amazing. like...wow...i can't believe you really exist
my mom is one of those people...
as is alexis gumbs...
and i just realized that sean p is too...
in a (sadly, mostly negative) way my dad is 1 of those people too...smh...i won't even speak on his latest antics. i just hope he's actually right this time, cuz i would love to go to school for the rest of my life and never have to pay for it.
mom's surgery was today. it went well. no more cancer found. talked to her, she sounded weak/sleepy but good.
- (no subject)
-
- a_f_r_i_k_a_n_a
- January 8th, 2:26
I posted this picture to remind myself that skinny is not the only beautiful that exists. I read somewhere once that Serena wears a size 14…I could honestly see that for her lower half but even if that’s inaccurate, she is nobody’s size 4.Recently I’ve felt inundated with this whole stereotypical “black” beauty…you know the drill…light skin. Long, straight hair. Big breasts. Ass. Thighs and light eyes are a plus. And yes, that is a type of beauty. But there are so many other types.
And it frustrates me, when I wonder how many other women and girls are like me…who, aside from wanting to lose weight for health reasons also are doing it for aesthetics but then feel overwhelmed with the certainty that barring an eating disorder*, we will never have the frames of Meagan Good, Rihanna, or ___insert other hot chick here___
I have neither delusions nor desire to be as muscled as Serena, & quite honestly my arms and torso/stomach area will probably never be that thin, but I keep her in mind as another version of beauty.
Onto the next one…
Changing the time I go to the Fitness Camp from mornings to evening was definitely a good look. And even just after day 3, I already see positive results. 1) I can do a little bit more each day. 2) I feel more energized both physically and mentally. 3) I feel more like I’ve made a real commitment to my health.
I feel renewed and revitalized and ready to immerse myself into socializing and enjoying life… I have quite a few free or cheap activities planned for this weekend. The Detroit ballrooming class, if they’re back this weekend…some free jazz film at Studio 281, and some poetry writing workshop I found about via www.meetup.com there’s also a spades get together I found out about from the same site. I am also church hunting. My mom tells me that my cousin Sonya is church hunting too, so I’ll call her tomorrow and see if we can’t hunt together this Sunday…
I e-mailed the International Rescue Coalition to see if I can do volunteer ESL lessons… There are also 2 organizations dealing with young girls that I am also going to see if I can work with (1 is Linda’s)…
Lastly…I really need to make the move and start interviewing to be a sub and/or Para-pro. I’m stalling on that for a couple reasons, but the main one is that I have to pay for a background test/screening and I won’t have funds to do that until 2 weeks from now. It’s also kind of tricky… to make myself available to supply teach or be a parapro, I’d have to work less hours at my current job. But I can’t exactly afford to do that at the moment. But if I could teach/parapro from 7-2 or 3 5 days a week…and then do ETS 8-12 hours a week, I would definitely be ok. Especially adding in loan and grant money.
There are lots of ESL positions open. I would much rather teach autistic children than do ESL…I may not even get a teaching job right away…I’m going to look in APS, DeKalb, Decatur, Clayton, & Cobb…
I’ve (re)learned that letting go can be so easy, once you really decide to do it. I just had to remember that my future holds so much more promise than anything I’ve yet lived.
I still feel kinda rootless in terms of family but I’m thankful for the family I do have here.
I can live with my non-existent romantic prospects. I find it difficult, however, to deal with the complete lack of male presence in my life. If Michael doesn’t call me in some reasonable amount of time (2 weeks-ish) I’m pretty sure I will call him…maybe? I wanna be so happy like YAY I got another old friend back, but maybe not.
Things I will do when I get paid:
1) Find a new bank. I’m definitely keeping my BOA open but I would like to put the majority of my funds in a local bank
2) Pay for things: Car insurance…bill…heat fixed…light bill…cable...
3) Pay for other things…
it’s funny because the idea of having a lot of material possessions makes me feel weighed down. Even when I was in college, in refund check heaven, I spent most of my money on good times. So like now…I need a bed for my mattress & frame…but I don’t actually feel like I really need one. My bed is comfortable as hell. The mattress foundation is quite sturdy. And a wooden bed just seems like more shit to have to worry about when I move. It’s 1 of those things that I would most likely buy for the sake of other people…because you’re “supposed” to have a bed. But I don’t feel like I’m missing out on anything. But I do wanna buy wall mirrors and some type of black, wooden shelving thing for my living room. Ok enough babbling.
*clearly not implying that they or any other naturally thin woman has eating disorder, but some women are just not naturally thin and practicing some form of starvation is the only way they will get there.
- my opinion on avatar...
-
- a_f_r_i_k_a_n_a
- December 25th, 2009
- vent
-
- a_f_r_i_k_a_n_a
- December 9th, 2009
[i only half mean this]
a lot of people are "haters". not the dramatic ones...but the people who don't understand you, so they think there must be something wrong with you...they don't understand that everyone has her/his own concept of "success" and what that means...you're doing something they can't/wouldn't do so they don't think you will succeed at it because they don't think they will...a lot of times this "hate" is unintentional, and a lot of times this unintentional hate shows up in the form of judgment, unsolicited advice, or gossip.
and the reason i call it "hate" is because these people either consciously don't want you to succeed at whatever your endeavor may be, or they don't believe you can so rather than encourage you to follow your path to self-fulfillment, they discourage you and urge you to follow a path to "stability" which in fact is something that does not actually exist. what makes it maddening is that often these people are either giving you advice that they themselves don't follow, or telling you to do what they would do, even though these very same people are unhappy with where their life choices have led them.
the "judge not, least ye be judged" thing is true...when you start feeling like you're in the position to tell another person what he/she needs to do...you put on display all the less than ideal things going on in YOUR life...
it's like how people always say, never ask a single person for relationship advice...cuz you will end up single, just like them. never listen to the counsel of someone who is unhappy with him/herself. all they can give you are recipes for unhappiness.
some people are just outright haters. you can't even smile in front of them, cuz they wanna know "what you got to smile about?"
somehow, every time you make an accomplishment, rather than congratulate you, they criticize you. nothing you have achieved was by your own merit, but because you're "lucky".
if you got somethin they ain't got, they try to down it. whether that "thing" is something tangible like a car, or a pair of shoes, or something intangible like knowledge, a relationship, beauty, or self-esteem. yes you are absolutely right, i do "think i'm cute/smart/something", maybe you should act like you think you are too so you can get off my fucking NUTS.
these are the people that delight in your setbacks...they feel relieved when you fail because it makes them feel better about the fact that they've failed.
the same people bored with the complacency of their own lives get mad when someone comes along who is different from what they're used to...cuz they don't understand how someone else dared to be different, when they didn't.
now am i saying everybody, or even most ppl are like this? not at all...but there are enough...some of them are people you love and even people who think they love you...
i used to never understand when people said their haters just made them more motivated.
i won't go that far...but i will say i get where kanye got his ego from. when you have goals for yourself, you have to be driven & you can't get caught up in other people's doubts.
i have a lot of dreams. i may not accomplish them all but i will definitely have attempted to, wholeheartedly.
inner strength is a muscle, mine is getting a workout.
i'm on some new shit.
- awwww
-
- a_f_r_i_k_a_n_a
- November 28th, 2009
i'm so proud of mamy, & take back the land
http://www.elmundo.es/america/2009/11/25/estados_unidos/ 1259166725.html
- intersting demographics about my 'hood' LOL
-
- a_f_r_i_k_a_n_a
- October 20th, 2009
Demographics
The City of Chamblee is 2,009 acres or 3.5 square miles. According to the 2000 U.S. Census, Chamblee is now comprised of:
9,552 people of which
56% are Latino
24% are White
*this is really funny to me...perhaps because i live on the edge of chamblee by dunwoody...i very rarely see latinos...most of the people i see out and about are white or black. i see asians at the post office and at the bookstore.
14% are Asian
3% are African American
2% are Two or more races
1% are other Ethnic MinoritiesApproximately 12 different Asian/Pacific countries and 18 Latin countries are represented within the City with almost 30 varied languages and dialects spoken as a first language. Census tract 212.04, home to 54% of the total population of the city, is 90% ethnic minority. Latinos and Southeast Asians are the largest ethnic groups within the City.
Chamblee is a youthful city with the median age being 28. Average household incomes in 1990 were $46,638 and rising with more than 10% of the households having incomes that exceed $100,000.
- all over the place
-
- a_f_r_i_k_a_n_a
- October 8th, 2009
there's a lot of shit i wanna do in my life. the only reason this is problematic is because i want to do a lot of it while i'm young.
i'm so pursuing either a master's or PhD in Africana studies of some sort and i am so researching black people in the south. i feel like linguistics really intrigue me and i would love to put that in the mix but what is really holding my interest at this very moment is class in african-american families...particularly level of education reached & whether or not land was owned, and how class was transferred from generation to generation.
i look at people like my friend...his family was like DIRT broke when he was coming up...his parents migrated up north from the south and they may or may not have graduated from high school. BUT his maternal grandmother was college educated. and now he has a couple degrees and i believe he is only a tax bracket below my mother.
it's really interesting too when you add in segregation and the fact that black ppl wanting to go to college in the south had hbcus that were close by but up north it would have been a big deal to go south or go to one of the few hbcus up north.
i'm also fascinated by black popular culture in the south
- is this atlanta or seattle?
-
- a_f_r_i_k_a_n_a
- September 21st, 2009
when it rains it pours...
*smh*
my drive to campus today was not quite harrowing...but it was close. i do not look forward to driving back home at 8pm...however that is preferable to class being cancelled and having to drive back during rush hour. you take the good with the bad i guess.
i believe i am about to tell this woman in my class that i'm not going to be able to pick her up from class...b/c she is annoying me. i'm lookin at her like lady i don't owe you shit, wtf. she wants me to park in a certain area so SHE won't have to walk as far to MY car...i understand you're pregnant but i don't park far away and if you like you can wait and i will drive to you but wtf lady i don't owe you shit.
then...for me to drop her off at her house and then come back to my house...is 20-30 minutes of extra driving for me b/c she lives out the way. only 2 exits out the way, but nonetheless...OUT THE WAY. we have 2 classes together that she wants a ride home from...i told her $5/week. because wtf lady i don't owe you shit. she asks me can it be $5 for every 3x instead of every 2. i was like based on how i calculated things, every 2 would be fair. she waves her hand dismissing me "ok i don't want money to be a problem."
sooo i am going to give it tonight and thursday and honestly i'm not gonna annoy myself about it cuz it's not like i'm tryna make ANY type of profit off her at all, i JUST want enough to cover the gas b/c wtf why should she be getting free rides when i don't know her, and she can afford to pay me gas money?
maybe that makes me a bitch but i WILL be that.
- and i loooove it
-
- a_f_r_i_k_a_n_a
- September 20th, 2009
- hyper posting
-
- a_f_r_i_k_a_n_a
- September 15th, 2009
good things: i'm working tomorrow and thursday. so i'll have a few more dollars.
i hate pms. i feel like crying right now.
i cannot find one of my folders for class and i feel like cutting somebody.
- (no subject)
-
- a_f_r_i_k_a_n_a
- September 14th, 2009
- last night at the obama rally
-
- a_f_r_i_k_a_n_a
- October 22nd, 2008
we weren't trying to get in, we just wanted to be a part of the hypeness.
there is a haitian ra ra* band, Ra Ra Lakay (house of Ra ra?) that plays on the corner of my street every Friday, and they have a big party beginning in front of the Haitian flag.
The past 2 times it has been at least 100 people on my tiny ass street following around the parade, dancing, waving haitian flags--it's like being with the Haitian crew in the west indian day parade.
Well last night, Ra Ra Lakay was at the Obama rally, and I saw a whole bunch of my neighbors, and it eventually became a procession. That shit was amazing. It was such a spiritual, pan-african experience. but EVERYBODY was involved. The part that made it crazy to me, was that it was centered around ONE PERSON. true it's what that person represents, but for 2 hours, everything that came out of my mouth was "Obama" or "Obama Pweziden"...it was sooooo hype! I called Violeta and Chassidy and put them on speaker phone, just so they could hear it. It was just like the west indian day parade, except that added fervor of having something you *really* hope will happen be on the horizon of possibility. We went out onto Biscayne and blocked soooo much traffic. the fire trucks were honking along to the beat, as were all the cars. People were letting down their windows and cheering and screaming. i was dancing, everybody was dancing. everyone was jumping. it was so crazy. and everyone was saying "obama" the haitian way. " oh bah mah, stressing EVERY syllable...not the american oh bah muh.
i took pics from my cell phone. i had brought my camera, but forgotten the memory card :-/
it reminded me of two movies.
1) the scene in malcolm x where they are walking down the street in harlem and malcolm gets them all to quiet down and turn around with a point of his finger, and the white police officer says: that's too much power for one man to have.
2) in sarafina when the students are marching and they are jumping and marching. and they are carring their signs through the sand and they are like "ayi ayi ayi!" ah, ah ah!" or something (whatever, i don't know how to write it) and they are raising their legs so high that their kneecaps are hitting them in their stomachs as they jump. and they are so hype.
and the the "boers" come in in their tanks and shut it all down.
i wonder if we are about to get shut down.
he is 10% ahead on the polls. hm.
*ra ra is a type of haitian music that is played with all handmade instruments, and is the most overtly african of haitian music, it's traditional, and is spiritual. if anyone has a better explanation feel free to correct, but that is my understanding.
- would love to hear you guys' thoughts on the following...
-
- a_f_r_i_k_a_n_a
- October 19th, 2008
my friend, this white girl from NC i befriended in Chile...wrote this note on her FB.
in case you don't feel like reading, she basically was like "why is race such a big deal, all it does is divide us. nobody trips over people's eye colors' being different."
I was reading this shit getting so annoyed. knowing full well i was going to write a reply, while also completely not feeling the energy to give a real sharp response.
Race in the United States
So.
We are at an unprecedented moment in the short-lived history of the United States, where a guy with dark skin could become the president. Who cares that he is fairly young, very eloquent, has an interesting, worldly background and upbringing? He's black. That's the number one thing we know about Obama. That, and his middle name is Hussein. And I have to ask myself, why does that matter? I know that in the historical context of the United States and the world, a black man becoming president is huge. I'm not belittling that. What I'm trying to point out is our incessant need to focus on people's skin color.
It always seemed strange to me when I was younger that we had to put our "race" on the standardized tests. They had the little bubbles for white (non-hispanic), hispanic, asian, african american, native american/pacific islander, and probably some others. Kids aren't born racist; they are raised to be that way. Kids don't even notice race. But if you make them distinguish and define themselves by it every time they have to fill out a form, you can be sure it's going to start influencing their thinking. Am I different because I am white? Or black? Or native american? Why do they need this information? These seemingly unimportant moments aren't going to turn anyone into a white or black or native american supremacist, but they do start to make you at least take note of other people's skin tones.
It seems strange that in such a diverse country, with people literally from all over the world, we still insist that our children learn to define themselves by something so trivial as their color. People would scoff at the idea of writing your hair or eye color on anything other than your driver's license, and if we had to, I can guarantee you we would start separating ourselves based on those criteria as well. Play it out in your mind. We constantly enforce the race divide. There are polls that show who blacks are voting for and who whites are voting for. What issues matter to blacks and what issues matter to whites. If we could drop the constant race-based rhetoric in our every day life, we might actually be able to do something about the deep-rooted problem of racism.
I guess my point is, I'm really stoked that we've finally come to a point where at least over 50% of the nation can get behind someone without letting his race, whatever it may be, cloud their judgment. My question is, why are we still even focused on that?
yah. so i wrote a long ass reply. in which i basically said she was exhibiting white privilege. and that in the case of most black people i know, obama's race is a big reason why we are excited to vote for him. and i said some other shit about how you have to remember the history of why skin color ever mattered anyway. there was so much to say. i didn't say it all. perhaps i'll have a more thoughtful reply at a later date.
- obamaness
-
- a_f_r_i_k_a_n_a
- October 16th, 2008
ok so i do hope/believe that obama is secretly a pretty radical (at least in the context of our electoral politics) person. and that he is toting the line & even lying until he gets in the white house, at which point he will at least try to implement some fundamentally different, socially just, leftist, internationally-friendly policies.
but apart from my unlikely hope...
i understand that he is a politician, and that electoral politics is not really the vehicle to drive radical change. i understand he is using the tactics all politicians use, that we hate. that he has spent a ridiculous amount of money on his campaign, an amount higher than many nations' GDPs...
and, a lot of leftists/grassroots people do really back Obama...
but there are a few people whose politics are so pure that they see him as just another politician, from a party that manipulates and condescends towards the people who make up its base.
and i respect that.
but check it. this nigga is black (nuanced, but nevertheless)...and more importantly, his wife is REALLY black and so are his daughters.
i'm black...
when my parents were my age, and even older...a lot of Black people could not even vote in an election. not my grandparents. MY PARENTS. so please understand the significance of me being able to vote for Black person as a mainstream candidate to actually be in the white house. and he's not just some random black guy. he actually has really convinced me and moved me to vote for him, when i haven't yet voted for one of the main 2 party candidates in a presidential election.
i am fucking happy, and i'm scared, i'm nervous, anxious, and i'm proud...
respect that shit.
he's not cynthia mckinney, he's not ralph nader or ron paul...but barack, michelle, sasha & whatever the other one's name is in the white house would be some radical shit.
and truthfully i think his presidency, or even his candidacy, opens the door for further radical candidates to make it--based on their politics rather than their color, gender, ethnicity, or religion--you have to have a door-opener. if you really want to see a real change in the status quo of U.S. presidents, you have to start somewhere. and for me, this is a really good start. even if he ends up being the most inconsequential or unsuccessful president ever (which i think would be a difficult feat to master in the wake of GWB but anything's possible), it still opens the door a lot farther than a McCain presidency would, which is what you're contributing towards if you don't vote for Barack. Because i do earnestly believe that a McCain administration would put this country in COMPLETE and utter disarray, completely obliterate any semblance of working class, or middle class, while exacerbating poverty and more greatly concentrating wealth and that life in the U.S. will be on some crazy ignorant shit, to the point where the 2012 election would be completely stolen and we'd have another republican administration and the mirage of freedom we have would further deteriorate, and it definitely would not be on some shit where the american people would be so fed up that we would finally vote in some real awesome progressive candidate; because our system would be so thoroughly corrupt that it wouldn't happen.
but maybe i'm paranoid.
i would never tell someone how to vote because theoretically, popular elections are something i really value (although you know all the practical reasons why the shit is fucked up)...but i just want all my leftist, radical, activist friends to be logical in their assessments and conversations.
furthermore...a lot of these radicals...still have shit fucked up. they will be so articulate and have the best analysis of race, class, and gender...and still be racist, sexist, and elitist. and i'm not just speaking of white leftists, i mean all of them. and the only difference is that instead of entrenching the same inequality in mainstream society, they entrench inequality and privilege in the world of activism and "social justice".
- really undecided
-
- a_f_r_i_k_a_n_a
- October 15th, 2008
i want to cut my hair but...
it is going to be $45...which if ima spend i would rather spend on clothes or shoes. especially since i bought new hairstyling tools. having long hair is starting to really get on my fucking nerves but...i usually cut my hair myself anyway, this time doesn't have to be different. yeah...i think i'm just gonna do it myself and ask amanda to help.
i dunno, i'm torn.
getting a puppy was the last thing i needed to do. i still fantasize about taking him to the pound (sad but true). so anyway that's why my finances are in disarray. i'm waiting til i get my check tomorrow so i can use that to pay for his shots...i just emailed my cousin to briefly ask if she could spare any of the money.
- interim goals
-
- a_f_r_i_k_a_n_a
- October 15th, 2008
the rest of today i will:
call my health insurance to figure out what health systems are covered.
wash at least 2 loads of clothing
clean my floor
sweep (mop???)
put my clothes up.
get my hair done? or do my hair? while reading harry potter?
i want to get my hair and nails done (just a manicure, i'm not into fake nails)...and manicures are really cheap...but my hair getting taken care of is going to make me feel better, i think.
car insurance...sigh...
write 2 cover letters, so i can finish applying to 2 jobs
walk the puppy
watch the debates
map out the day so i wake up tomorrow with motivation
i am looking for temp/temp-to-hire work: clerical, administrative, customer service, etc...pray for me...
- i dunno what i am listening to but i like it...
-
- a_f_r_i_k_a_n_a
- October 4th, 2008
i feel so sad/wack. i need to crack open that wine bottle. i'm seriously about to cry. i feel so much tension. i guess i have problems dealing with reality. no, i know i do. i should not have taken this puppy...i'm SO tempted to take it to the humane society but then i'm like ice...it's only been a day...i used to be so uncaring and be like "they're just dogs"...now...i'm too soft. i hate to hear him cry...especially if all that means is that i let him roam around my room and i have to clean up dog pee on floors that are perfect for dog-pee-cleaning-up.
good puppies are tired puppies...i'ma wake up early-ish and take this fucker for a walk and play more...i'm about to get this wine popping off.
i think my puppy can tell i'm stressed out. he be lookin all sad with the puppy dog eyes like please love me...i didn't choose to be here...i guess i gotta make my peace...my room is going to smell like "dog" until further notice. and so will my clothes. sad. everytime i move, he moves. honestly a month from now shit should be better. this is just rough. preparation for motherhood, should that ever be my future...
i feel so sad. like, hollow.
- omg
-
- a_f_r_i_k_a_n_a
- October 3rd, 2008
wow. the lack of sleep i've had is amazing. yet i function. i am regretting this puppy.
ok
so i caught part of the debate on my drive back to miami last night...*shaking head* that's all i have to say. i also got to hear various conservative radio stations talk about the plight of conservatives oppressed by the mainstream liberal orthodoxy. ?
oh my god. i might die if i don't sleep soon. i don't know WHAT i am about to do with this puppy!
so i made the good decision of coming back here to go to work, instead of going to jackson with my cousin Tae to fuck a boy (even though i would have had a free ride and not even had to drive)...i feel better about it now. i talked to him though. he's really cute. not that we talk often but every time we do i like him a lil more. he is like the definition of confidence which is real sexy.
k is looking like mr. lame-o. i promise i think he has a small dick. he just has the personality of someone with a small penis, even though i don't even know what that means and i feel fucked up for reifying the stigma of having a small penis. ok so he acts like someone with a lil dick who is trying to overcompensate for it. there we go.
wow i have diarhhea. sad.
i feel like shannan is gonna be SOOOO annoyed about the puppy. because if i am...she would have to be...
i am contemplating being a bit more selective with sex partners which could result in something like celibacy. but i'm just remembering how sex can still kill you or fuck your life up. so. yeah.
ok children, later.
